This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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