woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
