tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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