Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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