I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
