two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
