i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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