also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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