I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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