I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
