I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
