I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
worst night to have a conscience
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
