My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
