She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
