I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize