now i know why i became what i already was.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
