Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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