She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We are two peas in an std pod
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
