Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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