Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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