My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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