he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
