Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
