it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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