A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
is it fun? or sober?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
