he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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