The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
