Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
