I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
