Dual....:-)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
