The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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