break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
