i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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