Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
