Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
