So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
