I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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