You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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