The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
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I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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