Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
