Do you still have your period?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
