Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
