I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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