Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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