New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
