then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
