my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
