This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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