3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
