Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
