Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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