I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
