Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
