Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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