I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
