Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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