Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Randomize
