there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
