If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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