she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
