Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
