bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
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