I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i will never coherently bang her
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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