I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
