blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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