Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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