He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
