Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
