I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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