am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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