i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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